Who goes before

Reading back from a year ago--cause sometimes it's good to remember where I've been. Yes, it was true. The goodness was fragile because sin is real, but death will not--cannot--prevail. My God is faithful and strong, and the good He gives is always best.

 

This picture, it signifies an Ebenezer of sorts.

At home for a week by myself, and it’s lovely.  I’ve always enjoyed time by myself, and never more than now.  Alone with God and the outdoors, pals with the dog, responsible for the cat.  The weather has been perfect—hottish warm with breezes.  The honeysuckle is out, and the raspberries, the strawberries, the peas, the lettuce. . . everything is exploding with life and I get to be in the middle of it!  I don’t think our property has ever looked more wonderful and idyllic and paradise-like. 

I know it’s not heaven, but honestly, it’s about the closest to it I think I’ll be getting on this earth.  I feel as if I’m in a slow, quiet, peaceful, glorious lull before life hits.  You know, you go to college and there’s no telling what might happen. 

These days seem perfect.  I have a purpose and a job, but I get to do it HERE!  Here in a riot of color and flavor and summerness. 

It all feels too good to be true.  It feels fragile, too, like something that can be crushed and broken in the next instant.  And I feel like inevitably it will get broken.  Not just the leisure of summer, but the deep heart contentment, the belonging, the at home feeling that pervades the atmosphere here.  I feel like I’m leaving and I’ll never regain what I’m losing. 

I’m beginning to wonder, though, if the heart of this is a distrust of the goodness of God.  I feel like what’s ahead can’t possibly be as good as this, but in Perelandrian terms that’s like saying the wave I’m on isn’t as good as the one that’s coming. . . that the given good is better than the good that will be given. 

He gave all this beauty to begin with.  I realize I don’t deserve it.  Really.  I’m in awe every day that as a human it’s possible to comprehend this amount of contentment and joy when so many hundreds exist in squalor and terror.  Why me?  I can’t help asking that as I revel in the things around me. 

But I also feel like I’m holding my breath, wondering what the next era of my life will be like. 

That’s why I took this picture. . . on the way home from aikido, with warm, enveloping breeze blowing through the windows, a sliver of moon to the left, silence. . .

It’s a reminder that my God is always good, no matter what.  That He gives good gifts. . .

Wherever I am He can paint skies for my delight in Him. 

I have no idea what the future holds, but I know Who goes before.

SLS

July 1, 2014